Never love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary. – Anonymous
I’ll bet you anything you like that you have ever heard one of these sentences:
1. I would like to have your problems (sarcastically)
2. What you? But what about children in Africa and sick people (and other people who have problems)?!
This is what I consider as “a selfish lack of interest”. But to be honest, I am guilty as well. However, if there is something I’ve learned from my psychology lessons and my life, it is that underestimate the problems of other people is A) not fair and B) not respectful neither.
I think this topic have something to do with the conversation skills. There is an amazing TEDtalk I watched about one year ago, and in this talk, Celeste Headlee, a host of the Georgia Public Broadcasting program “On Second Thought”, speaks about how to have a better conversation. She mentions 10 ways how to do that but I took one thing and it’s the most important one: don’t equate. Celeste says:
Don’t equate your experience with theirs. If they’re talking about having a lost a family member, don’t start talking about the time you lost a family member…It’s not the same. It is never the same.
I can’t say how much I agree with her.
The most important is that we are individuals and our problems, joys or the whole life are not the same. We experience different things in difference ways. So, here are 3 reasons why your (other people) problems matter.
1. Everybody is unique
No matter what, in our perception of pain (or bad things) we are all different and unique. If your friend or your sister tell you about their problems don’t start to speak about your problems or even worst underestimate the weight.
The friend who comes to you have a unique problem and want a helping hand, not a comparison or a mockery. So, just sit down, be present and listen because this makes you a good friend/wife/sister.
“If your mouth is open, you’re not learning.” – Buddha
2. Everybody takes the pain differently
When something bad happens we all react in some kind of way – differently. That means that I can’t compare my problems, for example, to problems of a woman who lost her job even if my problem is bigger or smaller then here. Simply just because I have never experienced her struggles and she has never experienced mine.
3. Nobody has the right to judge other’s problems
Nobody. Neither I nor your mum or friends. Nobody knows you and your joys and pains better than you. And nobody has the right to judge your problems or even worse compare them.
If the person you are talking to will start judge you or your pain, run. Because this person doesn’t deserve to know your pain neither your joys.
Anyway, I don’t want to make the whole post negative and so, I wish you good luck with everything you are struggling with now and remember that everything is figureoutable, right?
Meanwhile, let’s connect on Bloglovin’